Presenting the Internet's Finest Weekend Whimsy

*Rare Bit Fiends Dept: Very odd dream the other night.

I had apparently just gotten out of work, judging from my shirt and tie, but I was standing on the grounds of some large university I'd never seen before. I intuitively realized I was there for an art show at a nearby on-campus gallery. The theme was abstract art inspired by early ‘90s Image superhero comics, and it didn’t seem to be going over well - standing right next to me was some type of campus protector-of-aesthetics preparing to lead a small group of students into the gallery and verbally mock the show. No way I could miss that.

So I walked behind the crowd, toward the building that purportedly housed the gallery. It was a really big place, very airy. Very contemporary in design. The gallery was down the hall, but off to the side there was a very large Borders’ bookstore, and I decided I should look around in there before taking in the art.

The Borders had a giant door that slid open to the side as I approached. I was surprised to find out that the inside was quite dark, and that there was no carpeting, and that someone had cleared all of the shelves of books away from the center of the store to make room for a performance space. A college rock band was getting ready to play. I immediately felt really overdressed, looking at all the kids in there. But my attentions were swiftly distracted by one of the shelves pushed off to the side.

Holy shit! Certain Borders locations apparently have shelves filled with used anime VHS tapes! The band began to play and some students began to dance. Most of them sat around drinking and looking cool. I rustled through the videos like a happy child. God! Streamline Pictures’ release of Robot Carnival for one dollar!!

I should have realized there was trouble when my hand passed right through that particular tape, as if it were an illusion. At that point, I became aware that I was dreaming, as I often do. However, I’m very much the worst lucid dreamer among all of the human race, and even when I realize I’m dreaming my subconscious still manages to guide my thoughts, so instead of doing something neat like shaping reality to suit my fancy, I decided that I was actually going to solidify the dream world into reality itself, all so I could pick up that stupid fucking anime tape and buy it for only one dollar. My head may have had a message about my consumerist nature somewhere in there for me.

But you know? My plan worked! I picked up the tape as easy as anything after concentrating on it. I picked up a bunch of other tapes, paid about $4.00 for all of them, and merrily pranced out of the Borders/concert while everyone else was getting to know one another and forging friendships and camaraderie, or at least enjoying decent drugs.

I decided then I’d better get down to the gallery, even though my hands were full of VHS tapes. I walked further down the hall, until the entrance was in sight. An elderly bearded man in a camouflage jacket was standing in front of the door.

Son… you got a dime I can borrow?

I shifted the weight of my tapes to one side to reach into my pocket, and suddenly felt the old man grasp my shoulder.

With an effortless flick of his arm, he sent me flying off my feet, my videos flying into the air. I executed a perfect sideways roll before landing on my ribs, facing the old man. He reached his hands out into the air, and caught my tapes as they fell. They landed in a perfect stack.

And I woke up.

APPARENT MORAL: Don’t ever fuck around with your subconscious, or it’ll send someone to imaginarily kick your ass.