This post is just silly.
*Today was such a good day it gave me pleasures to the very end.
*I was wandering around the bookstore, trying to decide if I wanted to get any soup. This required a massive amount of contemplation on my part, so I began flipping through a volume of Grimm's Fairy Tales, a complete collection with all the good ones, and I wound up reading "The Juniper Tree" yet again, and as always I was reminded that what stories for children really need are more decapitations, acts of cannibalism, and head crushings. Seriously, I'd have loved this stuff if I actually knew it existed back when I was young, but all I got were the 'nice' versions. So I was forced to turn to books like "The Punisher" to fill the void, but all it ever seemed to have were people falling over with nary a trickle of grue. And unlike Grimm's Household Tales, there were no unexpurgated versions available.
If only we had "The Punisher MAX" back then. Maybe that's the solution to the kids' comics crisis: Frank Castle saying 'fuck' and shooting everyone in a more explicit manner. It won't have the simple poetry and sing-song repetitions of the old fairy stories though, so we'll have to add that. Like at the behest of a wizened sage The Punisher and Nick Fury have to plant their used shotgun shells in the ground and a magical talking spruce will rise and give them the locations of villainous government figures, but on the way a talking bird will try three times to lead them off the path of justice in delightful song format like:
"Rocoo rocoo,
away I flew,
and thus should you,
you weary two,
Nick Fury and The Punisher!"
So Fury leaves on the third try and goes off to contact an escort service but Frank is too just to fall prey to such trickery and he says "Fuck you you foul thing!" and he finds the hideout and destroys the villians in a very graphic manner and then it turns out that the bird is really the ghost of Microchip and Frank shoots him too and then he goes back to the tree and finds a pair of fine red shoes and he dances away and by the time Fury gets back to the tree a millstone falls on his head and the millstone is HYDRA.
I really think kids would respond well to this, just like I think my eyes will respond well to sleep.
*I was wandering around the bookstore, trying to decide if I wanted to get any soup. This required a massive amount of contemplation on my part, so I began flipping through a volume of Grimm's Fairy Tales, a complete collection with all the good ones, and I wound up reading "The Juniper Tree" yet again, and as always I was reminded that what stories for children really need are more decapitations, acts of cannibalism, and head crushings. Seriously, I'd have loved this stuff if I actually knew it existed back when I was young, but all I got were the 'nice' versions. So I was forced to turn to books like "The Punisher" to fill the void, but all it ever seemed to have were people falling over with nary a trickle of grue. And unlike Grimm's Household Tales, there were no unexpurgated versions available.
If only we had "The Punisher MAX" back then. Maybe that's the solution to the kids' comics crisis: Frank Castle saying 'fuck' and shooting everyone in a more explicit manner. It won't have the simple poetry and sing-song repetitions of the old fairy stories though, so we'll have to add that. Like at the behest of a wizened sage The Punisher and Nick Fury have to plant their used shotgun shells in the ground and a magical talking spruce will rise and give them the locations of villainous government figures, but on the way a talking bird will try three times to lead them off the path of justice in delightful song format like:
"Rocoo rocoo,
away I flew,
and thus should you,
you weary two,
Nick Fury and The Punisher!"
So Fury leaves on the third try and goes off to contact an escort service but Frank is too just to fall prey to such trickery and he says "Fuck you you foul thing!" and he finds the hideout and destroys the villians in a very graphic manner and then it turns out that the bird is really the ghost of Microchip and Frank shoots him too and then he goes back to the tree and finds a pair of fine red shoes and he dances away and by the time Fury gets back to the tree a millstone falls on his head and the millstone is HYDRA.
I really think kids would respond well to this, just like I think my eyes will respond well to sleep.
posted by Jog at 11:33 PM
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